Behind Erin's Mind

  

     I’ve been putting off writing this - I find it hard to explain the recesses of my mind. Although I have come a long way and I’m truly learning to find happiness in every day, it has not always been a happy story.

I’ve always been an anxious person. I thought it was normal for type A people. In high school I thought it was normal to be so anxious I’d throw up before basketball practice or an exam. Normal that I couldn’t eat for days or overeat for days. I was used to crying when I couldn’t process my emotions. So I didn’t bat an idea when I thought it was normal to fear going home everyday because I’d have to be alone with my thoughts. Normal that I would go to bed at 7pm and sleep past my alarm. Normal when I started skipping classes. So when all of a sudden I injured my knee, dropped two courses and could barely get out of bed, my family and I were both unprepared. I told my parents I couldn’t go to university yet and they said “What happened to our perfect child?” But I had never been perfect, just good at hiding the pain.

I learned a lot in the year I deferred from school. I learned medication and anti-depressants don’t mean your broken. I learned it is okay to express your emotions, and your mental health doesn’t define your ability to succeed. Most importantly, I learned how to love spending time with myself and find outlets. I learned I had a love of poetry, and now I’m working to publish an album about the inner workings of my mind.

 

Erin M.

Calgary, Alberta

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